Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You're like the curious george of whores
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize