i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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