You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
