so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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