Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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