If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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