Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize