what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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