Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
