My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
