you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
