Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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