Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
