tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
