Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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