You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
