Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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