im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dignity is for republicans.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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