Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize