dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
me + whiskey = a bad person
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
