perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
