i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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