I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
