Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
