forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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