I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
