If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sobbing to NWA
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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