he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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