If that was your dad, he is hot
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
