Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
