his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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