i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it's like heaven, but drunker
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
