His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
