I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
