i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
