Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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