He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
