maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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