he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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