first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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