6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
