i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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