I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
