I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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