So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
