benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
