I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
