I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
