The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
