She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
