I'm so fucking centered right now
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
do nipples grow back?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
