we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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