took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
