Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
