the condom got lost in my hair
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We got so high we made milksteak
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
