I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
