Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
