I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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