put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
