it wasn't lemon gatorade
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
