If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
