I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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