please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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