omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
