This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
