remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
