he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
