Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
