Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
