yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
