Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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