There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
