I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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